By James Ganendra

The team set off to Northampton not thinking about our slim chances: Bristol had defeated us early on in the year by a solid 19-9 margin and have reigned supreme in our league since as far back as anyone can remember. We never doubted ourselves; instead we made sure to focus on delivering the most hellish, mouth-watering game of water polo to ever scorch the surface of the earth. Adam Streeter massaged frankincense oil across his chiseled jawline in a pre-game routine that he picked up in the Middle East, while Patrick Charles gurgled the last remnants of his burger from Weatherspoon’s. Before we knew it, we entered into the post-apocalyptic expanse of water, knowing we would make history.

As soon as the game started, it became clear that Bristol wanted to play a rough game and were getting rowdy. However, a strong set-up by Cambridge meant that our skill triumphed the ball-crushing physicality they tried to impose. Some strong pressing, outfield blocking and great communication meant that their signature far out shots rarely converted into goals. Fitness became our strength as we bolted up and down the pool, with constant rotation of players meaning everyone was at full intensity whilst in the water.

The solid Light Blue defence meant we were behind by only a very narrow margin for a lot of the match, and Youssef Badr knew he needed to step in. “Join me in my journey to success” he exclaimed, splashing in with his thick, pornstar chest hair and a hand signal one could only interpret as “bless up”. He went on to win MOTM with a fantastic performance of solid deliveries and plays .With a great effort by this man and many others, we started leading. Rob Gourley kept the game spicy with a shocker of a goal from halfway that made even the shooters for Bristol gape in awe.

By the final minute, we were tied and it became a gruelling battle to see who could score a game-winning goal. However, some impressive ‘keeping at the Bristol end meant it was not to be and the final score was 11-11.

All in all, it was a great success and the boys should be super proud. Our game was strong as we combined a furious, blasting energy with calculating precision and thoughtfulness. Bring on the next!